"The further from the truth you have traveled, or the more extreme you methods of escape, the bigger the shock. The truth of your reality is often quite painful, as is often the case when addiction to drugs, alcohol (work, busy-ness), gambling or porn has been your escape. It does not have to take an intervention or withdrawal to recognize your self-deception either. This realization has always been there in your higher self, or pineal gland as represented by Neptune. "
- Jamie Patridge at astrologyking.com
Neptune Stationed Direct - Neptune, Sovereign of Water (and therefore emotions), just completed its retrograde in the deepest of the water signs, Pisces. Pisces is the sign of our emotional abyss, the seat of our intuition and psychic gifts and all numinous, otherworldly sensibilities.
Tender, deeply feeling Pisces is the final sign of the zodiac and the part of late winter in the Northern Hemisphere where what will grow is still unknown, due to freeze and the earth's hard reset. It's the place where buried seeds do not yet begin to stretch and nourish in their radical act of raw survival, tendriling upwards. That change arrives with Aries. Pisces is where we deeply review, sit without, and must examine our depths for answers, insight, and startling truths we've ignored, invisible to ourselves. Neptune in Pisces is also where we encounter our self-destructive behaviors, emotional anxieties and fears, as well as our deepest possibilities, discoveries, and revelatory realizations.
Utagawa Kuniyoshi, View of Mt. Asama from the Usui Pass. 1850.
Neptune stationed retrograde on June 21st at 18 degrees of Pisces. Think back to which themes, especially related to old emotional wounds and stories we tell ourselves about them and emotional fears, growth, anxiety were running at that time. We aren't done with these themes yet, as the same narrative will continue to develop until Neptune reaches the point at which it stationed retrograde, which will happen on March 17th of 2020. Until then, we remain in an unfolding narrative about our own relationship to fantasy, idealization, self-delusion, and destructiveness, wishing, confusion, and perhaps vices and intoxicants, including overwork, over-commitment, and other culturally applauded addictions and vices, but we can now begin to realize and take action, versus the review and rumination of retrograde.
Pisces rules the 12th house of blind spots. Honestly, the 12th house is a lot of things, but most often I find it represents where we are hidden to ourselves, where we cannot accurately see who we are or our own behavior and ultimately, why healthy relationships are so important, to reflect us back at ourselves. The 12th house is self-delusion until revelation, stasis until healthy breakthrough. It's where we cannot easily see that we have embraced extremity by hyper developing or atrophying a part of ourselves. I'll use a very 12th house personal example because when I had a realization this week, my next thought was 'Ah, Neptune is stationing direct! This is my delusion!"
I realized this week I am someone who overworks. At times a workaholic even. But because it was extremely normalized in my early life, alongside anorectic, self-destructive behavior as a false act of control and escape, I’ve been unable to see that I am often among the ranks. And, because it was normalized, up until recently I have drawn close to and normalized behavior from people who were even worse than I was, folks directly damaging and withering aspects of their lives due to overwork and elected busy-ness... busy-ness as a reason to not evolve the whole self. I've been kind of like a heavy drinker who hangs out with alcoholics and judges themselves as doing pretty well, comparatively.
Min Byung Hun, Bridge/Overpass in Fog. 1998.
Through much of my 20s and early 30s I manically needed to feel purposeful and constantly contributing, creating, vital, and therefore validated... every minute full of to-dos that are totally and completely culturally applauded forms of self-harm. As a culture we harshly judge the chemical addict but applaud the business owner who has anorectic relationships, or an executive who is emotionally foreign to and disconnected from themselves. It’s a distorted form of success, like if you worked out every day for a year but only ever worked on one arm.
Even now I have full-time+ work and always maintain 2-3 side projects or gigs, have shelves full of books to read, books to write and it’s all a problem I create for myself, one I can no longer ignore, as it costs me greatly in the areas of self that need focused, uncomfortable work for growth and higher good.
So, that is my Neptune-stations-direct-realization and place where I have been invisible to myself, but apparent to others for a very long time. What is your realization? Where are you hiding from your truth? Neptune, the planet of stories, fictions, fantasies, the numinous, the unseen, mist and fog, imparts these personal invisibilities to each of us which is why honest healthy relationships are so important. We can't see the back of ourselves, but our best friends can and will totally report if our sweater is ripped, or hair is a fright.
Pay attention this week and the next few months, especially in the reflection of healed, healthy loved ones and friends, for deep realizations about the stories you tell yourself about who you are or what you believe yourself to be. And, be willing to catch your own clear reflection and truly see yourself. See where you let fears and anxieties control your choices and decisions, preventing evolution. Be willing to explore what emotionally frightens you and startles you about yourself, versus writing a tidy narrative about how it can't be changed... that's untrue, and everyone besides you can see it. Be grateful, and bravely break your self-delusions, favoring new nourishment, growth, dreams, ideals, and deeply held fantasies. Dream deeply and intrepidly seek new emotional self-discoveries.